Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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