margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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