Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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