How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
