doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
