OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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