i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
