We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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