Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
