This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
