I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
