Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
