Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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