I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
