if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
