Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
