I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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