We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
