Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
