i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
