just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
