she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
