cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
