i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
