I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
