last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my being single is dangerous.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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