Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
