Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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