the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
