If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
