i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
