Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
