I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
