Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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