i don't like sucking hair
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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