How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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