just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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