I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
