Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
