Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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