it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
