He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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