dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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