someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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