I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
