thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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