He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
