And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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