PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
