my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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